The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
