i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
