Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
