Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
