apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
