She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
