I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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