Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
