I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
