love makes seman taste better
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
