Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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