Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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