Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
