Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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