So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
