Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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