Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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