You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
