i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
