dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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