I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
