My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
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I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
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You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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