you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
