I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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