Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
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fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
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My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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