She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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