YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
