I cockslap morals
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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