I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
