playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
