I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
