Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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