I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
