We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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