Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
