i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
