"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
