Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
