did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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