all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
