are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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