how can u be prego again
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
