I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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