So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
