Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
