What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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