i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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