what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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