worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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