she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
All the doctor said was why
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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