Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
No stitches, just platelets and will power
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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