Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
