I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
