just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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