y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
