Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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