Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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