I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
