get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
