so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
