Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
