i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
