I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
